Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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