just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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