I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
