In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
