my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wear drunk well.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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