3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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