does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I didn't notice because vodka
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
