Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
