Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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