The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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