loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
