My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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