I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
