I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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