Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
