Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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