I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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