And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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