hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
