yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
