I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
