I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
