I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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