first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
