I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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