I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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