I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
