my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
