just tell him i said nine months
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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