he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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