4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
