We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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