You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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