I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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