never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
