I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
