I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
