Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
