oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
