No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This house was built for laser tag.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
