He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
