Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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