I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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