you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
