hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
