am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
