Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
