Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
