i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's always time for handjobs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
