There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
