i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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