Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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