i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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