I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
